Yesterday, I picked my little A up from my parents and they had McDonalds...he of course had the McNugget Happy Meal... there were 2 nuggets untouched on the table and I, being hungry, decided to eat one. I picked it up, dipped it and held it for a few moments as I contemplated whether or not I should eat it. Thoughts raced through my mind about the cruelty that this animal may have suffered in it's life, the un-nutritional value of eating it and simply the fact that it wasn't really appealing to me at all anymore and I didn't think I wanted to eat it. You would think that this whole inner argument would have made me put the nugget down but I decided to take a bite... it was un-flavorful and not in any way satisfying and I threw the other half away... I felt really good after doing that. It was like I was overcoming an obstacle in some small way, refusing to eat what I know is bad for me but what I used to think of as good, cheap food. Now I see it for what it really is; good for nothing, cheap, unhealthy, un-flavored, un-satisfying lousy excuse for food.
I'm not really sure whether I could even eat chicken even if I knew it was organic and not abused... at this moment my brain has soaked up all of that information from The Kind Diet and it knows it isn't good for me and it now thinks of meat as something that once lived and breathed, where before I only thought of food as a recipe and a meal. I don't even like chickens...they traumatized me in my early teens when I was visiting a friend at her parents farm, we went to the coop and they all ran at me with their scary beaks aimed for pecking... I was sure they hated me! And I don't blame them, they probably knew they would become food...so I just don't know if I have it in me to even eat white meat. I don't know if I can exclude some animals from my diet - only based on the fact that they are worse for my body, and not based on the fact that I am an animal lover and I don't think I can seperate any into groups of life forms and meal forms no matter what. They are all animals...they are all worthy of living. The picture below is something like I had in my mind...
Yikes this is a big inner conflict I'm having here... I'm a bit stressed about tonight even! I'm having a dinner date with my sweetie (which I'm super excited for since we haven't had an ounce of privacy for so long!) and I have never gone out and not eaten meat, I've never even paid any attention to the vegetarian dishes served. I'm going to have to do some searching of where to go! It should be interesting anyways, it will be my first restaraunt vegetarian meal... I'll be sure to blog about it!
The other thing I'm concerned of is that I don't really know how to feed myself on this diet yet, I know that because I'm not limiting by products like cheese and dairy, ect. it isn't really that limited of what I can create but I literally feel lost when I try to come up with meal ideas because I'm so used to basing everything around meat! I always pick my meat first and recipe second. Now I have to completely change my thought process of cooking. And although this may sound silly I take a lot of pride in cooking great meals that everyone loves and I'm afriad that if I stop cooking meat meals nobody will like my food. I love cooking, I thrive when I cook! Thats my relaxation and my stress reliever... and now I have to re-learn everything about creating meals... I'm literally scared about this.
Next week I am going to be making my first grocery trip for all of my vegetarian needs, I will be cooking all of my vegetarian meals and that will be my first true test of how it turns out. I'm going to re-read the recipes chapter of my book, look up some yummy ones online and fire away with whatever confidence I can sum up to do it with. Wish me luck!
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