Without You

How is life supposed to go on when somebody you love has gone?

How are you supposed to be yourself when someone who shaped a part of you is no longer around?

How are you supposed to love the same way when you know how fragile time can be?

When a scent trails by and it reminds you,
When a dream dances in your head and you see them there,
When the things they loved hurt you in their memory,
When occassions come and go and they are not there to share in the joy...

I thought it was supposed to get easier as time passes and you greive less for the one who has gone... I don't believe that is true anymore. I think you just get used to the pain inside your heart.

Not a day has gone by since my Grandmother passed that I don't think about her, some days I've even thought about going to visit her only to remember she wouldn't be there... some nights I cry, other nights I want to... some days I wake from dreams where she was there and it makes my heart ache more...
the holidays that passed last year were empty for me... holidays are for families and last year our family was not complete.
There is a gaping hole in my heart... a hole that will never be filled.
I cherish every memory and every item I have that was once hers or her gift to me.
Her life was a gift to me.

As my wedding approaches I can't help but be sad for the fact she won't be sharing this momentus day with me...I miss her so much...and I know that I always, always will.