Somedays I feel like time is going in slow motion... and I'm wasting it. I feel like I am not productive and as if I'm holding my family back due to my unemployment. I love to be home with my son but I feel as if I'm lazy and I worry that sometimes D may be resentful if I wasn't entirely productive one day where as he spent a full day working. Sure I have EI - for now, but that's not a life... it's not income it's support and I don't want support I want to be the supporter.
Sometimes I think that I should chase my dreams and create something that I love so that way I can enjoy going to work everyday... but then reality slaps me in the face and I realize that we have a mortgage to pay now and despite that I would love to do certain things on my own it probably isn't the smartest move I could make at this time in my life.
It's almost like there is an inner conflict going on ... part of me says to stop being afraid of chasing my dreams and the other part says stop being stupid and get your head out of the clouds. After all it isn't just about me, my dreams aren't just about my happiness with my career they are about my family being happy and being able to give them opportunities... money really does make the world go round.
Sorry for this depressing post but sometimes life aint all sunshine and lollipops...
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